Sam Billingham tells us about the circumstances that led to her founding of SODA, a voluntary organization that offer support to survivors of domestic abuse. Here she writes her #BraveMe story:
Our eyes met across the crowded room and it was love at first sight…If only it had been that simple.
We met on a Friday night at our local pub and two weeks later I moved into his flat, he was just so charming and caring, he knew the right words to say and how to make me feel as though I was the one for him. Little did I know his words were just said to make me blind to his actions.
When he first hit me, I was so shocked and he was so full of remorse, told me he loved me and how it would never happen again. Of course, I didn’t want him to hit me again; I loved him and I believed him. He was so clever in the fact that his fists weren’t used as often so when the put me downs came, I didn’t see it as abuse, I just became this moulded person who simply accepted everything he said and through my way.
I loved him and hung on his every word, he could have told me the sky was green and the grass blue, I would have believed him. I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.
I was a Legal Secretary when we met, by the time our 3 year – on and off – relationship ended, I was stripped of absolutely everything. I was sacked from my job because I was constantly accused of having affairs with my boss and my ex abuser wouldn’t let me out of the flat to go to work.
I left my physical and psychological abusive relationship in November 2006, after he hit me, causing my lip to split, as I held our 10 months old in my arms. That was my wake up call. I knew I had to leave, for her sake. I think my motherly instincts kicked in and I knew I had someone else to protect. I made my last ever statement against him – I didn’t withdraw it – I applied for a non molestation order and never went back to the complex cycle of abuse.
SODA was set up in May 2009 as an online support group to help reduce isolation and raise awareness, today we work within the community offering ongoing online and one-to-one support to survivors and warriors, SODA is the support I never had. I want to be a voice for the voiceless which is why I raise awareness through social media and the media, I want to reach out to those who might not know they are in an abusive relationship.
For me, awareness is vital, early prevention is critical and I believe the more we talk about this taboo subject, the real difference we could make, it could be the difference between life and death.
I think, if I had heard about domestic abuse and knew what it was, I might have left my abusive relationship earlier.
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To give something back to her community, Samantha decided that she wanted to help others and since setting up her own online domestic abuse support page in April 2009 she has dedicated her time and experience to support others across the nation. As well as offering online support, Samantha can be seen tweeting, heard on the local radio and watched on TV raising awareness by sharing her own personal story in the hope that it helps others. The key message Samantha wants to send out to those who might find themselves in an abusive relationship is, there is life after domestic abuse.
Follow Sam: Twitter | Find out more about SODA
