Sarah Choujounian is a survivor of child sexual abuse and domestic violence. She has now dedicated her life to turning her pains into gains. She is the founder of “Lighting Up dark Corners” which empowers survivors to heal and rise. Here, she shares her #BraveMe domestic violence story and how she not only survived the aftermath but became empowered beyond her wildest dreams.
Leaving The Egg Shells Behind
I was 17 when I met Clement, he was 32 and was supposedly a refugee from Nigeria in danger of being killed if sent back. Six months after we met, he told me that if he didn’t get sponsored that he would have to leave. I loved him, he was like the father I so desperately longed for. I desperately needed him so I said yes on the spot, I was already a few months pregnant.
I loved him, he was like the father I so desperately longed for. I desperately needed him so I said yes on the spot, I was already a few months pregnant.
Within the first year of marriage, he was deported. I followed him with our daughter, Latoya, to Nigeria. I found out he wasn’t a refugee and had lied to me supposedly to “protect” me. He got a visa to France where I sponsored him once again. A year later, he decided that I would be moving to Toronto while waiting for him to get his permanent residency. He registered me to York University in accounting, a profession I had never heard of before. I did everything he wanted, no questions asked, no opinions or arguments given.
I was becoming more mature and was sick and tired of all the mind games he played.
He came back 5 years later illegally, I became pregnant the month after his return. We had a huge fight because even when we were together, he kept secretly talking to other girls. I had come clean about being with other people when we were apart but he wouldn’t. I was becoming more mature and was sick and tired of all the mind games he played. Once I went through his email and confronted him about what I had found, he gaslighted me and stated I was in the wrong for going through his personal stuff. I decided to leave him and return to Montreal. We got back together 5 months later. I told myself I had to take him back for the kids sake.
I found bundles of cash, fake passports, countless fraudulent credit cards, pictures of naked girls and condoms. I managed to get him out but things got from bad to worse between us.
Soon after, I gave birth to my second daughter, Naomi and then to our 3rd, Sade, 17 months later. Sade wasn’t even 4 months when he was arrested for fraud. While he was in jail, I had to go through his stuff. I found bundles of cash, fake passports, countless fraudulent credit cards, pictures of naked girls and condoms. I managed to get him out but things got from bad to worse between us.
As I slowly found my voice, he became increasingly violent. He even threatened to take my life if I irritated him, which he actually almost did. We, the kids and I, were constantly walking on eggshells. The gaslighting and silent treatment were used on a daily basis. I finally realized that staying was more harmful than beneficial to the kids. It dawned on me that I was teaching them that being abused by someone you love was ok, just like I had learned as a child. With that in mind, I gathered all my strength and decided to leave. It was the beginning of my healing journey but I was far from being out the woods.
I went straight back to my old bad habits, I started drinking and doing drugs to manage the anxiety and to numb the emotional pain.
I went straight back to my old bad habits, I started drinking and doing drugs to manage the anxiety and to numb the emotional pain. When I was married, I wasn’t allowed to talk about my childhood and all my issues, I was distracted by what someone else thought I should be. Now I was back to being alone, I had to face myself. Not only did I have all the abuse of the past to deal with but I was now a single mom of three. I worked 60 hr/week as a nurse to make ends meet. On top of that, I was going through a difficult divorce where reality was twisted in a million ways.
My ex was claiming that I was the abusive one and was demanding for spousal support. He had informed me that I would be drowning in debt by the time he was done dragging me through the system. It felt hopeless but I just kept going even though I was petrified of defeat. Eventually, the court ordered him to pay me 900$/month in child support, a few months later he left the country.
In 2013, I was recruited by a business platform called WFG. I cleaned up instantly and got my insurance license within a few months. It was there that I learned about personal growth and started reading books. As I became obsessed with personal development, my excitement for the business decreased.
Around that time, I met a life coach who had written 2 books, I opted to sign up for his program. I started my journey to self-discovery and became more aware of who I was and why I did certain things. Overall, the program was life changing, so much so that I decided to get certified as a coach myself.
Through this process, I discovered forgiveness and decided to reconcile with my ex’s family. I thought it to be the more grown-up thing to do and that it would be best for my kids. I was dead wrong, it was a toxic environment and even though I thought I had changed, I fell right back into letting people use and abuse me. I was so disappointed in myself.
As if that wasn’t enough, I started having many health concerns. It took over a year before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Within that year, I had decided to focus on my own healing. I obviously wasn’t ready to help others through life coaching. I read many books on child sexual abuse and learned that my behavior was quite normal for what I had been through as a child. I discovered that Fibromyalgia is often caused by stress and that many patients who have it also suffered from Complex-PTSD, which I now suspected having. I started being more mindful of my anxiety which brought me to try meditation and yoga.
I made the decision to check out The Gatehouse, a safe place for adult survivors of child sexual abuse.
I made the decision to check out The Gatehouse, a safe place for adult survivors of child sexual abuse. There, I learned about the tools I was lacking like boundaries and anger management. I also reconnected with my inner child which helped me become whole again. I am noticing daily improvement in my ability to care for and love myself.
I presently facilitate programs at The Gatehouse. I found my purpose which is turning my pains into gains. I have founded “Lighting Up Dark Corners” which aims at empowering survivors to heal and bringing awareness about child sexual abuse. I also initiated a closed Facebook group called “Healing Broken Wings” to empower survivors of abuse. I’m finally excited about my life and where I am going. I am back at the gym and haven’t had a drink or smoked weed for 6 months now. I finally found my truth and I’m no longer afraid to stand in it.
I found my purpose which is turning my pains into gains. I have founded “Lighting Up Dark Corners” which aims at empowering survivors to heal and bringing awareness about child sexual abuse
So when people ask me if leaving was worth all the hassle, my answer is absolutely yes. My kids got to grow up in an abuse free home filled with love and understanding. Sometimes I feel bad that they didn’t grow up with a dad around but then, I am quickly reminded of how damaged they would have been if I would have stayed.
I might often be stressed financially but I don’t mind not getting child support. Nine hundred dollars a month is nothing compared to my peace of mind. I’m glad he left, it made it so much easier for me to go no contact and stay away from all his toxicity. When times are rough, I keep reminding myself that my kids will not be with me forever and I’ll have lots of time to catch up on savings and do whatever I missed out on later.
To victims out there who are thinking of leaving I say, just do it! There is so much support and material out there to help you escape and succeed. If you don’t have supportive family and friends, you always have access to books, support groups and/or shelters. Overall, leaving was the best decision I’ve ever taken in my entire life. I’m finally free to be myself and it all started because I decided to leave the egg shells behind… you can do it too.
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Sarah Choujounian is a survivor of child sexual abuse and domestic violence. She has now dedicated her life to turning her pains into gains. She is the founder of “Lighting Up dark Corners” which empowers survivors to heal and rise. Here, she shares her #BraveMe domestic violence story and how she not only survived the aftermath but became empowered beyond her wildest dreams.
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