Jenny Wood shares how domestic abuse and its aftermath caused her to lose her well-paying job and her home. She denounces the family court system as being unregulated and uncaring. Now Jenny has given up the corporate rat race to build a charity to assist women and children affected by domestic abuse.
My name is Jenny Wood, I am 45 years of age, with three children; Harry 12, George 9 and Esme aged three. I have tragic yet amazing domestic abuse story that I know your readers would be interested in as my journey of surviving a coercive controlling relationship is filled with tragedy and hope.
I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I had my controlling ex-husband removed from our beautiful established family home in Tarporley, Cheshire in 2015 by the police, when our baby daughter was just two weeks old and our two sons were six and nine years of age.
During my pregnancy I was subjected to pregnancy discrimination within my high profile role as an account packaging manager for major blue chip organisations. I raised a maternity grievance which was treated with the respect it deserved. When my ex-husband was served with a restraining order hearing, which was sadly never implemented, he contacted my employer as he was aware of the grievance, and successfully convinced them I was abusing my privileges at work for financial gain, which resulted in a dismissal.
I found myself homeless with three children in a woman’s refuge for 16 months, during which time he spent £30,000 on legal fees trying to have the children taken from me as I couldn’t provide them with a home, which ultimately he contributed to me losing.
Fast forward three years, and I now live on the other side of the country in Cottingham, East Yorkshire with my new partner and his children and am very close to winning an unfair dismissal case with my ex-employer, and expect significant pay out and my ex-husbands desire and financial ability to ruin me has ended, but not before three years of absolute hell within a dark court system that supported the perpetrator to continue his determined approach to abuse me and the children at all costs and the indeed the absolute fight of my life.
He contacted my employer as he was aware of the grievance, and successfully convinced them I was abusing my privileges at work for financial gain, which resulted in a dismissal.
Judge Knowles in the unfair dismissal case has revoked the anonymity order around the case and I want to use my story to inspire other women, so I am inviting you to run this story in your paper, to highlight the rampant domestic abuse that is happening in this country (1 in 4 women are abused).
- Domestic Abuse accounts for 25% of all reported crimes
- In Britain, a woman is killed by a violent partner or former partner every 3 days
- It is estimated that 33% of all women experience domestic abuse in their lifetime
- It is around 35 times before a woman is assaulted before she seeks help
- 112 women are killed by their male partners or former partners each year
- There are only 275 women’s refuges in England compared to the thousands of animal sanctuaries in operation
- A woman is more likely to be assaulted whilst she is pregnant
- In Britain, police receive a complaint about domestic abuse every 60 seconds
- In Britain, a woman is assaulted in her home every 6 seconds
1.4 million Were impacted by domestic abuse and this figure is only representative of the people who had the courage to report it. If we just freestyle that figure and assume that there were around 800,000 children involved in these cases, you can appreciate how widespread this problem truly is.
Fast forward three years, and I now live on the other side of the country in Cottingham, East Yorkshire with my new partner and his children
I have faced the true depths of despair and have been truly open to the elements to an epidemic we are facing within our society regarding unhealthy relationships and the journey countless families face when they are dragged through family courts in relation to child contact.
I have met with citizens from all income brackets, from inner city to rural backgrounds that have been deeply impacted and affected by domestic abuse. I shared accommodation with a young beautiful mother of three, to a six week old baby girl, autistic son of eight years of age, and a six year old loving daughter. She escaped from her destructive young husband to find herself being shipped from refuge to refuge. Her husband recently committed suicide because he could no longer cope with his drug addictions and lack of career prospects. This family is a driving force to play my part.
Collectively joining together we will play a significant role of restoring hope and deliver commitment to help families in despair. In the last year alone, as well as my own journey I have watched in horror as my partner’s daughter 17, niece 18 and cousin 26 as well as numerous women I have met on courses, all fight for their life’s from abusers. There is an epidemic, as we know Mel B, Tina Turner, J K Rowling, the late Linda Bellingham have all suffered at the hands of their abuser.
There seems to be a theory within the family courts who operate under the secrecy act that if there are no bruises then there is no abuse – when actually most abuse is emotional and psychological.
The family court setting is prehistoric and in chaos, they are unregulated and causing deep pain in families across the country.
The Judge who represented me around child contact threatened me with prison and community service and referred to me as the girl who cried wolf. He had firm evidence of my ex-husbands history, police reports, social services evidence, children’s wishes and feelings, school reports and chose to stick to a framework that guaranteed access to his children, when their own wishes and feelings were ignored.
Upon the first contact I was expected to hand the children over to a man with a revengeful nature and a full history of abuse, intent on creating total intimidation. My friends offered to carry out the first contact as we were all in agreement I was terrified of him, and he would subject me to a torrent onslaught of mistreatment, so we loaded my children into their car, a 6 month old baby daughter who he had seen on a few occasions, Harry and George begging not to go, and a fear that if I wasn’t to promote this, I would serve time in prison.
There seems to be a theory within the family courts who operate under the secrecy act that if there are no bruises then there is no abuse – when actually most abuse is emotional and psychological.
When my ex-husband observed I was not on the child hand over, he flew into unimaginable rage. He aggressively ripped Esme out of her car seat and George began to hyperventilate. Police were involved. My friends were traumatised. The School revealed the children were crying deeply about their distress and the boys became riddled with heightened anxiety.
The court cracked on regardless and shared to me that I was responsible for the breakdown and instead I should carry out future contact under surveillance! When I diplomatically challenged his barbaric, imbalanced and inequitable approach and desperately shared I would be discussing this with my local MP. Judge Wallace affirmed to me that MPs carry no power and with my team of domestic abuse support workers, we promptly forwarded a complaint about his misunderstanding to this case.
The response from the commission’s board was that it is a Judges court room and they are in control of their decisions. How on earth can this arena be unregulated?
Power corrupts inevitably with this dynamic. It is corrupting each day. There is a solution to this unwarranted methodology and that is regulation and reform.
I have written a book about my life and also looking for a publisher, as well as running this story. I also feel the book will lead to a film as the motivation to raise awareness and achieve reform can be achieved by tapping into the global arena.
I make no apologies in that by going public, it also puts pressure on my ex-employer to do the right thing as the unfair dismissal case draws to a conclusion at the end of this month, but this isn’t just about money, it’s about raising awareness, and in this case within a very large global company who on the basis of a phone call from a psychotic ex-husband, sacked a woman on maternity leave, leaving her homeless, without a car which forced me to live in a women’s refuge living in the most insecure of environments and being persistently hunted by my ex-husband.
It truly is a story of abuse, sadness, tears, homelessness, 26 court appearances, narcissism and suffering, but with a wonderful ending of love and trust, faith and hope. There is a current spate of family dysfunction, suicide, domestic abuse, addictions and mental conditions and it needs to empathically addressed.
I have a wealth of supporting evidence including a psychological report on my ex-husband which revealed him to be in the top 4% of paranoid people in the country, and driven to revenge by resentment and rejection. By the way, when I finally had firm psychological evidence of my ex-husbands disturbing abusive traits, the Judge who delivered all 26 court cases failed to turn up to the review of this crucial evidence and postponed the case a further three months, whilst we were living in refuge prior to Christmas.
I could write pages and pages, and this letter is just a snapshot, but I welcome us working together and discuss this further, you will be shocked.
I believe people should and will want to read my story as I believe it can inspire other women who live their lives in fear every day to stand up and fight back and to ultimately raise awareness. There is another agenda which is to highlight and assist to reform the family courts process.
Women’s Aid are constantly campaigning to the fact that family courts lack understanding and solutions to the devastating impact a perpetrator applies whilst dragging their already emotionally wounded ex-partner through a system that enhances the abuse.
It is almost impossible to acquire legal aid whilst a fragile ex-partner finds themselves representing themselves, raising vulnerable dependants, on often very low incomes, versus a Judge who operates without regulation, the applicants solicitors who are intent on achieving their brutal victory at all costs combined with a bitter, twisted, narcissistic abuser intent on winning their war.
Family courts have a commitment to place children in care if parents can’t agree to a solution, the problems lie that respectful solutions are not achieved within this prejudiced process.
Women’s Aid are constantly campaigning to the fact that family courts lack understanding and solutions to the devastating impact a perpetrator applies whilst dragging their already emotionally wounded ex-partner through a system that enhances the abuse.
My goals with any money received in compensation is to set up a charity helping survivors of abuse, and rolling out an educational program in schools, teaching teenagers about what abuse is and what a toxic relationship represents versus healthy relationships. Our children might be leaving school with an A in Maths and Geography, but they are running often (girls in particular) straight into the arms of a narcissistic abuser who controls them, as they have no idea what love really is or should look like.
My partner Darren and I both worked in corporate sales for over 20, I myself ran my own business in Cyprus for seven years. We left the corporate rat race, are inspired to help others and we are passionate about freeing women from abuse, implementing support programmes for the children that are effected by domestic abuse, and assisting to educating young men before they become abusers. We accept we can’t heal the entire problem, but can create ripple effects.
We have both given up work to start building this charity and our goals are to make a difference.
But how inner strength and hope, even in the most desperate of times, can bring people back into the light in the darkest of hours.
I lost my case of unfair dismissal & maternity discrimination. I faced a barrister, who discredited me at every level. I represented myself with truth and dignity. My abusive ex claimed to my employers I manufactured grievance up for effect & the legal world believed he was a credible source. Onwards now. It’s time to form our charity. I forgive and accept xxx
“In a gentle way you can shake the world” – Ghandi
“If one is lucky a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities” Maya Angelou
“Listen to the rhythm of your own calling and follow that” Oprah Winfrey
I look forward to working together with you in anyway that is possible.
Warmest blessings and affections xx
Jenny Wood
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